Q: I am 43 years old and I am back into the dating pool after almost 15 years of living with my girlfriend. Sexually, I have always managed pretty well. For several months, I have been seeing a woman that I really like, but I noticed that with her my ejaculation tends to be faster than usual. The first few times I did not give weight to the matter, but now the problem starts to be bothersome for both. What is happening to me? Do I need to worry? What can I do to recover the resistance I had before? Thank you so much
A: It is possible that you suffer from an initial form of premature ejaculation, a problem that affects at least 20-30 percent of American men. Of course the precise diagnosis must be made by a trusted uro-andrologist. The short of it, however, is this:
It is scientifically admitted that there is a genetic predisposition in conditioning the average times of the ejaculatory reflex after the introduction of the penis into the vagina. The speed with which the reflection can be activated depends on:
- genital factors, such as the sensitivity of the glans and the intensity of the erotic and sensorial stimulus;
- cortical factors, such as the level of mental excitement, the quality of the couple’s relationship, the exciting “charge” of the context, but also the anxiety that accompanies sexual intercourse.
There are also several biological, psychosexual and relational factors that can further shorten the ejaculatory latency time, “precipitating” the orgasm. At the biological level, ejaculation can be accelerated by pain caused by an underlying condition that should be diagnosed.
In addition to anxiety, the psychosexual factors that make it difficult to control for a reasonable seal are inexperience, guilt, shame (for example when the first sexual experiences take place with prostitutes), or the fear of being caught, especially in the very young. On the other hand, conflicts, tensions, and couple frustrations are of a relational nature; or, on a clinical level, any sexual problems of the partner, such as dyspareunia or vaginismus.